Okay, so... it's been a while since I've been on livejournal. I kinda haven't been talking to anyone for months. I'm sick all the time and I'm working all the time... it's hard right now. I know that's no excuse, but that's all the explanation I have.

I'm looking for another job. I'm over this one. I'm tired of being taken advantage of and disrespected. I'm tired of having to play the game and put on a good face for people I hate. I'm tired of being the boss' whipping boy and getting nothing in return. I'm tired of being responsible for making everyone happy but myself.

So. I'm looking. So far, no luck, with the economy being what it is. But I'll keep trying. I can be patient. I've survived this long. I can do this.

I haven't been writing at all. I feel like all of my energy gets sucked up by my job and I have none left over for my muse. Like, I'm so grounded in the 'real world' that I can't connect with my imagination anymore.

Or maybe that's just the horrific migraine I've had for two weeks now. But I've felt that way for a while.

I feel the need for a change. A purge. Something different.

Sorry for the whining. Sometimes I just need to get it out.

On a brighter note, I am now able to take any picture on the net that I want, so my collections are growing exponentially. lol. But I'm happy. And videos aren't a problem for me either. Not anymore. lol. I am very pleased about that. After years of wishing I could take them, I've finally figured out how. Thanks to my sister for getting me started.

And there's so much new music coming out soon... I can't wait. I am especially looking forward to Jeffree Star, Lights, Tokio Hotel and The Academy Is. Hopefully Paramore and Boys Like Girls don't suck either. lol. I am sick and tired of being let down by bands I like (Silverchair, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus...I'm looking at you).

Got into Gossip Girl recently. I thought that show would suck, but I actually enjoy it a lot. My sister and I have been devouring the first two seasons. I can't wait to see the third.

Introduced my sister to the wonder that is the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I knew she'd like it. lol. It's right up her alley.

I'll leave you all with some of my favorite lyrics right now. It's from memory, so it may  not be 100% accurate, but you get the picture:

She said, "You're just a letdown.
Another one of my mistakes.
I never loved you anyway.
I never did and I never will."

"Letdown" - This Providence

Okay. I know I'm sick a lot, but  was feeling a  bit better for a week or so there... And now I'm getting sick again, just in time for my boss to come back. The same boss who bitches about how sick I am all the time.

Great. What timing.

I'm gonna keep myself doped up on cold medicine so I can get lots of rest this weekend and, hopefully, feel better by Monday.

Bah.

Why is it that when we make technological "advances" the simple things get harder to do?

I'm rehiring someone. Supposedly that's easy to do, right? But because she has th same employee number as before, I'm having all kinds of trouble with it.

Thing is, we never had this problem before we switched to this "newer and better" version of the payroll software. So WTF?

I hate progress sometimes. I really do.

I have had a horrible day today. Just one thing after another...

( 3 reasons I hate today. )

I have lent someone I know a hundred dollars for food for her family until she gets paid on Wednesday.

I'm... I don't like to lend people money. They start to expect too much. They start to expect money all the time, and I hate that. But she asked, I could provide, and she had a great need. She's got a kid to provide for, you know? I wouldn't feel righ about saying no.

So. We'll see how it goes. I just hope I didn't open myself up for a world of discomfort. I have a hard tims saying no to people. I just hope she doesn't make me have to.

Thing is, she's a good person. Trustworthy, for the most part. Decent. Not like a lot of people I know. So... I trust her. I hope my misgivings are proven unfounded. I hope everyone who told me "This is not a good idea" can eat their words.

Prove me right, girly.

We lost power for... 18 hours. It SUCKED. Our whole island was just black. I hate it when that happens. It's creepy.

Plus it was hot and humid and we had no fans... we took Benadryl just to get some sleep. I love that stuff. It doesn't matter how you feel. You just pass out when you're on it.  ^___^

Anyway, power is back now and I've charged my laptop. It kept me sane last night. It lasted the whole night, entertaining me and my sister. It's a happy-making machine.

In other news, we bought a family tree program so we can keep track of the intensely fucked up, complicated relations of our characters, and we spent last night filling in all the info. It was grea, and the program isn't half bad at handling all the crap we put it through. And it wasn't too hard to learn to use, either. We were stoked. Their family tree is now DONE.

This month has sucked. I'm looking forward to a much happier, brighter new year. How about you?

Well, Christmas was amazingly good this year. I mean AMAZING.

Not only did I get the most awesome presents, I got good presents for the people I care about too. I love when I know I've chosen well, you know? It feels good to make people happy.

My friends Cyn finally talked to me, after months of silence. She's been working two full-time jobs, so she's just been too busy to talk. Plus she's got her two teenage kids to worry about, and they're both a handful. So I get it. I just wasn't sure I'd be seeing her. But she gave me a belated birthday present and a Christmas present today. Yay!

I really miss her...

I've started birthday shopping for my sister too. Ebay is a wonderful thing. lol. I found some amazing presents for her already, and I haven't spent very much so far. I like getting a head start on shopping for her, cos Cyn's birthday is a couple days after my sister's.

Christmas was quiet, like we wanted, and happy. I wish every day could be like today...  *sigh*

Back to work tomorrow!

Damn vog. I've had a headache for five days now. No- not a headache. A freakin' migraine. Five days of pain, blurred vision, and the inability to think. I can't freakin' concentrate. On anything. God this sucks.

This is NOT the time for this. With one of our supervisor's out of town on vacation, I really need to step it up. I need to be available, but I keep giving in to the migraine.

It's frustrating, but what can you do? The meds aren't working for me right now.

Damn vog. Volcanoes suck.

Christmas shopping is done, though. Finally. Now I can sit back and relax and enjoy the season. Yay!

I recommend that all of you go out and buy Jeffree Star's new EP, "Cupcakes Taste Like Violence". It's amazing. I adore him. His music never fails to make me smile, even when I don't feel well. And buy Lights. Her music is awesome.

Merry Christmas!

Well, I did it. I bought myself and early Christmas present. I am typing this from my new HP notebook, and I think I'm in love. This is the most costly thing I have EVER bought myself (or anyone else, for that matter), but I'm really glad I did it. I've wanted one of these things for, like, ever...

I had to go and but me a fairly expensive one, of course, but no worries, right? I'm not gonna let myself worry about it. Too much stress, and I'm tired of stressing out. Work, the holiday season, the economy... there's too much and I can't handle it all.

So I'm just gonna take each day as it comes and let the chips fall where they may. I can do this. I can afford this little bundle of happiness and I'm not gonna let my fear overwhelm me.

Anyways, that was way serious, and I'm sick of being serious.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!    ^______^

OK. 

I am about to reveal the hideous depths of my inner dorkdom.

I am getting the X-Files Complete Series boxset for Christmas and I am STOKED.

No... not just stoked... there isn't a WORD for it. Mulder! Scully! That awesome roach episode! The freak show episode! The strange, deformed brothers who booby trap their house episode! And more!

ARGH!!!!!!

*breathes*

Ok. Can't open it til Christmas..... that sucks... but still....YAY!

I know I'm rambling. Sorry. Ignore me. But I think the only Christmas presents I've ever gotten that rank  above this one are my ipod and the original Nintendo system (back when it first came out).

What are some of your guys' favorite gifts ever?


And, on a side note, Hanson has releases a cd/dvd set of acoustic performances- all songs from their first major label cd Middle of Nowhere. Get it. It rocks.

I'm SO STOKED RIGHT NOW! Venus Doom has already arrived and is now on my ipod! I guess it pays to put rush shipping on a pre-order, as Venus Doom isn't going to be officially released until tue 9/18...lol.

I am so damn happy right now.

*hugs the world*

Finally feeling better. Thank God.

Anyways, lol...  Work still sucks. Boss is on vacation, so I'm stuck trying to keep everything together while still retaining some semblance of sanity... and trying to do it all in a normal-sized work week. Ten-hour days are killing me. I swear.

I hope you all are well. I read much more than I post, so while I am still hideously behind on your lives on lj, it's not as bad as it could be.

I miss you guys.

We've started walking for fun and health. lol. It's going okay so far, I guess. It's August, though... super hot and humid. Right now, my fingers are sticking to the keyboard. Gross.

Haven't been writing at all. Too much real life, not enough time for playing with my imagination. Can't complain, though. Real life pays the bills.

Been doing a fair bit of Sudoku in my spare moments. Gods, that game is addictive. Need a new book soon.   ^___^

Can't wait for the new HIM album to drop. "Kiss of Dawn" is awesome. The video rocks. Thank you, itunes.

Happy Hopscotch, Everyone!

*heaps blessings upon you all*

So I've been at my job for eight years now. As of Sunday. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I don't feel appreciated most of the time. I work my ass off and for what?

I don't know.

Feeling kinda down right now. Don't know what the problem is. I haven't felt this way in a long time. I hope it passes soon. I hate feeling this way. Depression, please go away.

Body hurts, so I might be coming down with something. Wonderful. I really need this, since I'm working a long week this week. Nothing seems to be going right for me lately. I know I need to adjust my attitude if I want anything to change but it's so hard when I feel so shitty.

And I've been sick constantly this year. I shake off one thing just to come down with another. I'm putting my goddamn doctor's kids through fucking college right now.

I should've known this depression was coming. Things have been super stressful- so much so that when I got upset the other day I had to dig my nails into the skin near my eyes just to keep my temper. I haven't done that since I was a teenager. It's not a good feeling to know I still need to. I thought I'd conquered that impulse already. I thought I didn't need the pain (anymore) to cope. I hate this.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Heh. About a month ago I got my second tattoo. Hell, I don't even know if I told you guys I got a first one. But...

My first one was the Triforce from the Legend of Zelda games. Very cool. heh

My new one is a heartagram. I love it. The Triforce i got is really subtle, really light and kinda hard to notice (mainly cos it's yellow). This one ain't. It's red with a black outline. It's gorgeous!!! HIM rules!!! lol

That's about the only interesting thing happening in my life right now. But it makes me happy. yay!

^___^

1. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favorite place?
5. Favorite vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. What zodiac sign are you?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Do we know each other outside of Livejournal?
11. What is your favorite sport?
12. Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15. Tell me one weird fact about you.
16. Do you have any pets?
17. Do you know how to do the Macarena?
18. What time is it where you are now?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21. Would you be my partner in crime or my conscience?
22. What color eyes do you have?
23. Ever been arrested?
24. Bottle or Draft?
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
27. What's your favorite bar to hang at?
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30. Do you swear a lot?
31. Biggest pet peeve?
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33. In one word, how would you describe me?
34. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

Been a long time since I've been on here. Things are different for me now... so much work to do and so few good people to help do it. I feel overwhelmed a lot of the time and frustrated too... I hate not having the time/energy to do the things I WANT to do because of the things I HAVE to do... But I guess that's life.

I feel pretty depressed lately... I think it's because I'm just always tired... I don't know...

I miss you guys.

 

Wow. Can you believe it? I actually made it back on to livejournal. Color me just plain shocked. lol

Anyway, this is going to be the busiest month of my life, starting from right now.

First of all, the anime convention is coming up. Ghost and I are going all three days, so I'll be spending my entire weekend there.

Then, at the end of the month, my dad and stepmom are coming down for a week... at the most hideous time they could have chosen. End of the month is always hugely busy for me work-wise, what with payroll stuff and all that, but I still requested the whole week off (with an extra few days at the end to recover...lol).

Then, in May, XMen 3 come out. Looks awesome... Can't wait for that. ^___^ I'm just worried Rogue isn't going to have much of a part in it. She's always been my favorite of the XMen, so that'll make me very sad...*sigh*

Anyway, on top of all that, I'm working Sundays now... which is good, I guess. I get a lot of work done on Sundays... But the boss wants to put me back on Saturdays and that'll suck big time. I HATE Saturdays. But what can ya do, y'know?

Aw, hell...

I have to go again and get to work... but I miss you all and I'm thinking of you! IM me on AIM or Yahoo Messenger... I have a new cell phone now and try to stay logged in when I'm not working...lol

I hope I see you all again... if i can make it through this next 30 days or so. Ciao!

Life sucks...yea.

My apologies to anyone who wants to catch me online. I get on to check my email and that's about it these days. Work is slowly killing me and it looks like I'm going to be putting even MORE time in starting this week. If it weren't for the fact I need (and kinda love) this job, I would quit already.

And we have this guy in to consult with us on some stuff, and he's driving me crazy. He's a bit strange and can be a real ass when he wants to be.

On one bright note, I'm contemplating buying an ipod. I know I said I'd NEVER get one, but the itunes music store has the Tori Amos Fade to Red video collection, and I WANTS IT!!! (Not that I didn't already get it on dvd, but it would be PORTABLE!)

Anyway, if I do, it won't happen anytime soon. My sister is dragging me to the anime con that's coming up, so I have to save my money for that. Then my dad is coming down to visit and I'll probably need to save A LOT of money for that. I'm taking a whole week off when he and my stepmom come down here. I'm not sure if he WANTS to spend a whole week with us, but I don't know how to ask him, so I figured 'better safe than sorry', you know? I don't wanna intrude on his vacation, but I haven't seen him in 7 years. That's a long fucking time, y'know?

I'm off to work now. Wish me luck!